Guess it failed..:S

Check out the book The Elements of Style by E.B White.

“…all have been hockey fans in a city that’s now craving hockey for many years.”

What does that mean? Who talks like that.

Here is a rewrite that flows better in my opinion.

For Marguerite Kuhlman and her mother Mildred death came at the most unlikely and unplausible time.

The 68-year old woman passed away while attending the Hawks-Avalanche game at the United Centre this past Monday. Interestingly, Marguerite’s mother Mildred Kulman died at Chicago Stadium during a game twenty two years ago, on March 30th 1986, at the old but well remembered Chicago Stadium. Her sisters Patricia and Dorothea spoke fondly of Marguerite, and all have been hockey fans in a city that’s craved hockey for many years.

Dorothea said in an interview with the Chicago Tribune’s Noreen S. Ahmed-Ullah that a fellow Hawks fan alerted her that Marguerite had fallen over her seat. Noticing she was unconscious and not breathing emergency specialists on site were quickly called over. She died of heart disease at 8:25 PM CST at the Rush University Medical Centre.

The strange thing is she and her sisters have season tickets, are always there together in the same seats, but this night they couldn’t come so she brought a random neighbor. I was kind of appalled to see him still stay the entire game after she was gone…

You’re a doucebag.

’nuff said.

Farking awful writing.

Or in more fluid language, you express yourself against effect and into haughty fluff talk. Do you have any idea how disinteresting it was to read a story I already knew was reasonably otherwise. Stop trying to create grand prose and just give the facts line by line, until someone shows you how to speak to an audience. Baby steps.